Nothing is PERFECT

Can you get 100% pure gold?
Can you get 100% pure kindness?
Can you get 100% pure love?

Some of you know the answer, NO.
I'm not a typical dreamer who dreams about finding a true love.
That's why all Disney story is very popular.
They sell dream to the children, a dream about perfect world, ideal word.

BUT, too bad, there is no such ideal/perfect world in our real world.
This is not a Disney world where everything ends up happily ever after.
A typical ending for all Disney classic story.
They change everything and fix it to our imagination of world.
A true love, a perfect world, where good conquer bad.

A pure gold can't stand for itself. It's too soft to be used.
That's why when you go to the shop you may be find 99% but not 100%.
A pure love can't stand for itself. It's too fragile, easily break.
That's why when you have it you need to take extra caution about it.
A true kindness can't stand for itself. It's too beautiful to be true.
That's why there is no trust you always wonder a true motive behind something.

Have you wondered why God never created something as perfect?
If you say human is prefect, there will be no dead.
If you say flower is perfect, there will be no fading.
If you say life is perfect, there will be no sadness and trouble.

People always argue that this will make us strong.
This will tamper us to be a tough man.
That's true, this imperfectness makes us a strong human.
This will shape us into a strong human being.

If all is perfect, then human is just lazy and usefulness creature.
If all is perfect, we are just a cry baby and never be an adult.
If all is perfect, I will not learn new thing every second I breath.

Because we are imperfect, we can know each other and be social individual.
We help each other to cover our own imperfectness or defect.
Like gold need other to make it strong, we can't stand by ourselves.

But don't depend too much on other people. That's another human mistake.
Since we are not perfect then let other to complete us, fill us.
It's wrong. I don't agree with that statement.
Since I'm not perfect, I need to pursue my perfectness.
Even though I know I'll never be perfect but I always try to be perfect.
Live my life in perfect mode.
Love like perfect love.
Be kind as no reason to do it.

We are just God's creation and result of social evolution.
Yes, it's true BUT it's not reason we can't be perfect.
Perfectness is just mere standard made by ourselves.

How do you know whether you are perfect or not?
You ask other to mark you.
You look through yourself and mark yourself.
You follow society requirement to be perfect.

My friend, live your life to the fullest.
Have no regret when the time comes.
Try everything while you can and never look back.
That's your standard of perfectness.

How to be a realistic person?

Have you wonder whether you are a realist or not?
Do you think your life full of flowering words or sentences?
Do you wonder why people always gives good answer not realistic one?

Well, to be honest with you I also do same thing.
When talking with others, I always gives flowering words.

"It's OK."
"There will be time for that."
"No, You can do it."
"I'll be good listener."
"You are not alone. I'll be with you."
"That's the friends are for."

You know I'm not the kind of imaginative or romantic person.
I'm a realistic person.
If I can see it that must be true and vice versa.
How come you believe the words when the bad thing happened to you?
How many people give word of encouragement?
Sharing good story with so beautiful meaning, like whatever happen is for your good.

I'm not despise them.
Nor I hate them.
I like it and it's really encouraging.
But sometimes I need real answer not a flowering, beautiful, diplomatic answer.
Yes, it wont help me nor console me.
But you must face reality. You live in real world.

"It's OK."
How come you say that? I'm not OK.
I'm sick. Give other answer. More practical.
What's OK when I'm hurt, feeling alone, crying, sad, got backstabbing?
I'm not belong to this place and you said it's OK.
You see all thing to simple my dear friend.
Life is complicated.

"Make your life simple"
Life is not simple. If it is, I wont be hurt like this.
I wont feel this feeling.
I wont complain about it.
Nothing is simple. Even a single snow has very complicated structure.

"There will be time for that"
OK then. Why the time is not now?
What the difference you give it now and then?
if it's just the same, why wont you give it now?
You said I'm not ready then why you make the desire.
Why you let me know about this?
Why?

"No. You can do it."
Very nice. So you want me do it by myself.
If I can do it I wont say I can't.
It's really heavy. Even I can't bear it.
Then will you help me to do it?
No. You just want me to finish it by myself.
Again it's just the word of encouraging.
You're not in my position.

"I'll be good listener."
One big lie is this word.
Come on, you can stand with it but not your ear.
You are already tired to listen to all my word.
Even you always tell me to shut my mouth.
How come now you said this word?
When I'm talking you say to shut up.
When I keep silent you say to talk and you'll listen.
What a liar are you.

"You are not alone. I'll be with you."
You say this word when you can't be with me for 24 hours.
You're in USA and I'm in Asia or Africa.
You truly just say this word.
After party what is left is the host who need to clean all the mess.
Ask for the others. Maybe they end up having another party at nearby bar.

"That's the friends are for."
What is the purpose of friend?
What are the friends for?
Can you elaborate more.
If you answer like this, it's just 10/100.

I'm not asking you to answer your friend like that.
Nor discourage you to not console other.
I just challenge you to think from their shoes.
When you want to console other, please put yourself on their behalf.
Stating normal and common word will not help a lot.
At the end of the conversation your friend will say:
"Thank you. You really help me."
for the sake of attitude.

Emansipasi, Wanita=Pria?

"Ibu kita Kartini, putri sejati
putri Indonesia, harum namanya

Ibu kita Kartini, pendekar bangsa
pendekar kaumnya untuk merdeka

Wahai ibu kita Kartini
putri yang mulia
sungguh besar cita-citanya
bagi Indonesia"
Setiap tanggal 21 April, bangsa Indonesia merayakan Hari Kartini.
Hari kartini memperingati kelahiran Raden Ayu Kartini, salah satu "wonder women" Indonesia.
Kontribusinya sangat besr bagi kemajuan penyetaraan gender.
Siapa yang tidak kenal Beliau.

Masih ingat dulu waktu SD, tanggal 21 April diadakan upacara bendera.
Setiap siswa diminta untuk memakai baju daerah dan foto Kartini dipampang di tengah lapangan.
Lomba-lomba dan pagelaran seni juga ikut memeriahkan hari jadi Beliau.
Terus-menerus diingatkan bahwa Kartini adalah pencetus emansipasi wanita di Indonesia.
Wanita kedudukanya sama dengan pria. Mereka setara dengan kita, kaum pria.

Dari tahun 1879 (tahun kelahiran Kartini) sampai 2009 banyak perubahan terjadi di Indonesia.
Kaum wanita juga mulai unjuk gigi di ranah umum.
Prestasi yang membanggakan mungkin adalah ketika Ibu Megawati menjadi presiden wanita pertama.
Walau sebelumnya dia diganjal dan tidak dibolehkan menjadi presiden karena masalah gender.

Apakah ini menandakan Indonesia sudah benar-benar terbuka bagi kaum wanita?
Apakah kedudukan mereka sudah setara dengan kaum laki-laki?
Apakah wanita sama dengan laki-laki?

Opini pribadi saya, Indonesia masih belajar menghargai wanita.
Memang benar sudah banyak kaum wanita yang "go public", tetapi banyak juga kaum wanita yang masih ditekan oleh kaum adam.
Ambil contoh TKI, PSK, pembantu rumah tangga.

Masih banyak TKI kita yang mungkin akan mendapat kemalangan di negri orang ditipu oleh orang sendiri.
Jauh menjadi TKI, mereka malah dijual menjadi penghibur dan pemuas nafsu laki-laki.
Dengan iming-iming gaji besar, mereka dibawa ke kota besar dari desa untuk dididik oleh "mami".
Miris melihat wanita bercita-cita untuk sekolah tinggi, tetapi harus putus sekolah karena masalah ekonomi dan gender.
Masih banyak generasi lama yang menganut laki-laki harus maju lebih dahulu dari perempuan.
Saya teringat pernyataan Ibu Megawati ketika berjumpa dengan ibu-ibu di sebuah pasar di Jawa:

"Mana yang dipilih untuk disekolahkan, anak laki-laki yang biasa-biasa saja atau anak perempuan yang lebih pintar? Tentu saja anak laki-laki toh?"

Sekali lagi, masalah ekonomi menjadi penghalang bagi emansipasi

Sama seperti kaum Tionghoa, anak laki-laki adalah putra mahkota di keluarga.
Mengapa tidak, mereka yang akan meneruskan nama keluarga.
Ketika menikah wanita diwajibkan untuk mengikuti nama keluarga suami.
Hal yang wajar bagi masyarakat dengan sistem patrealisme.
Jadi, lebih untung menginvestasikan dana ke anak laki-laki daripada perempuan.
Toh akhirnya anak perempuan akan diambil oelh keluarga orang.

Masyarakat tidak mungkin berubah pandangan dalam waktu semalam.
Semua ini membutuhkan proses yang panjang dan pasti akan menghadapai kendala.
Tidak hanya di Indonesia, di negara lain pun penyetaraan gender masih menjadi masalah.
Tetapi, adanya usaha dan perjuangan tanpa henti untuk mengusahakan penyetaraan gender sudah baik.
Perlunya penekanan akan kesadaran pria dan wanita kedudukannya sama dan diciptakan untuk saling melengkapi bukan saling menjajah atau menguasai.

Jadi, tidak benar bila pria menjajah perempuan.
Lebih tidak benar lagi wanita menjajah pria.
Istilah suami takut istri dan istri takut suamin seharusnya tidak ada di kamus kita.
Perlu diingatkan wanita tidak sama dan tidak akan pernah sama dengan pria.
Adanya rasa saling mengerti dan menghormati adalah mutlak dalam hubungan pria dan wanita.
Memang benar sekarang wanita bisa melakukan pekerjaan pria dan sebaliknya, tetapi fungsi utama dan pertama setiap gender tidak akan bisa digantikan.

Wanita tidak akan pernah bisa menhasilkan sperma untuk membuahi ovum.
Laki-laki tidak akan pernah bisa melahairkan tanpa ovarium dan kelenjar susu.
Wanita diciptkan dari tulang rusuk laki-laki,
bukan dari tulang tengkorak untuk memerintah laki-laki
bukan dari tulang kaki untuk menjadi budak laki-laki.
Wanita diciptakan sejajar dengan pria agar kita saling menhormati dan menghargai serta melengkapi satu sama lain.

Happy Katini's Day 2009