A Letter to Dad

Last Sunday, we celebrated Father's Day.
For all fathers: Happy Father's Day, may you be a light and salt for the family.
For all children: Happy celebrating Father's Day, be a good child to your dad.
For all wives and mothers: Happy to see you with your loved one, may this will go to eternity.
And for those who don't have father: Happy to you who still have memory of your beloved father.

 And like me, who don't have the warm of father's hug anymore, we can only bring the memory of him.
Indeed we know that our father live forever in paradise.
Now I feel the pain of having no father around and envy them who still have complete family.
Happy are those whose family has both arm of father and mother.

This is just a letter that express my feeling towards my father.
It can be a reflection for you who miss your dad.
And also a reflection for you who still have dad to talk to and speak to.

I think I will do this more often to express my thought and feeling.
A letter to my dad who will never be able to read this.
A letter to my dad who is happy now in God's house.
A letter to my dad who will always pray for his son.

 

Dear Dad,

How are yo now? It's been a long time I see your face. Are you still healthy as before?
Are you happy there in God's house? Is that place better than home hence you leave first?
Don't you know how much mom cried near you asking you why you had to leave first?
Are you still that fat as before or have you slimmed down a bit?

Dad, I never imagined to say this, but I miss you now.
I really missed the time we had a conversation.
I really missed the time we spent time together as one family.
I really missed the time we had dinner together in our big table.

When you left us alone in silence, I asked God, why now? Why not later?
I never imagined to lose one of my parent so young when I still need them the most.
I don't care if my friend called me "spoiled brat".
I enjoy the time we had together, though you never speak a lot of words to me.
Though the memory I had are both smile and cry, happiness and sadness.
I always blame God for this, even till today.
Though I said to my self and friends I'm OK, I will never be OK.
I will never be the same anymore.
My heart was broken the moment I heard the news. I cried, I shouted, I went insane.

You left me before you saw me in my glory.
It was just one more year before I graduated, the moment you have been waiting for even till the last of your breathe. Why couldn't you wait for that moment? Why must God take you earlier?
People said that I didn't cry at all during your wake.
How could I cry if I really didn't understand what happened?
How could I make my mom sadder by crying with her?
How could I cry if I'm the only son in the family who has to be strong?
People just don't understand the pain that I felt that time.
I was pain that even tears couldn't wash it away.

But it was history. It was yesterday. It was my past part of my life story book.
I need to move on with my life and I believe you want me also to do the same.
Dad, did you know that now I have graduated?
Did you know how I wished you could see my graduation?
Did you know how I wanted to have picture taken with you in my robe?
How i wished you are seated there in the auditorium to see me in that stage.

I can't be a filial son to you.
Even now I was facing problem, I really don't know what to do.
Could you tell me what to do?
I can't meet my mom expectation and i believe it is also your expectation.
Have I failed you as a son?
Have I been a embarrassment to you?
I may not be the smartest student in my class.
I may not be the highest paid among my peers.
Surely I may not have  the proudest job among my friend
Do feel that I am a failure?
I wished you could talk and console me, how I want you to be with me, support me, and encourage me.
Let me be selfish this one time, dad I want to e just a child.
I don't want to grow up and be adult.
I just want to be with you like last time when I need not to worry  about anything at all.
Could I have that moment one more time and stay still?

I wish you all the best there dad. Enjoy your new life without pain and sadness.
Please watch me here with all your love.
Though in the silence, pray for your child to prove the world.
Let me be the son that make you proud the most.
Let me live your legacy here and to pay them who looked down on you.
I will make sure that they will pay every penny that they spent to mock you and mom.
I will defeat the world that has been hard on you and mom.
I will make sure your name will be remembered.

Please wait for me there. Till I come back to you, please be healthy and strong.
Protect our family and guard us with your shield.
Let me prove my self to you for once and all.

With love,

Your son

In Memoriam:

Me and My Dad